IT'S ALL GOOD: What do you do with the truth when you hear it?

Vaughan Citizen
January 8, 2014
By Timothy Barlow

I think it’s fair to say that most of us want to create relationships that are built on a foundation of honesty and trust, yet many of us have also felt the sharp pain of lies and deceit in our past.

As relationships grow and we learn more about the people in our lives, we tend to do one of two things.

Either we look for truth and honesty in each individual or we look for the lies.

Eventually, regardless of what is said or done, we will most likely get to see what we are looking for.

But, I think the most important thing many of us miss in our quest to find honesty and integrity in our relationships with others is this: What do we do with the truth when we hear it?

How many times has a loved one in our lives actually told us the truth, only to find themselves being rejected or berated for sharing that truth and feeling isolated and ashamed afterward?

In his book, Salome: In Every Inch In Every Mile, Criss Jami writes: “When a man is penalized for honesty, he learns how to lie”.

Honesty in relationships is the responsibility of both individuals, not just in each person’s ability to tell the truth, but also, if not more importantly, in their ability to accept truth from another.

It’s true that many times the truth can sting and, with it, feelings of anger and disappointment can arise.

Yet our ability to effectively accept and process that sting is what ultimately determines the level of honesty we can hope to have in our relationships.

If we reject the truth, then how can we expect people to keep sharing it?

Each time we punish people in our lives for telling the truth, we not only affect the trust in those relationships now, we also co-create future lies.