York Region’s LGBTQ community strives for hope in aftermath of Orlando massacre

Yorkregion.com
June 15, 2016
By Lisa Queen and Kim Zarzour

Amid the hatred and violence, there is love and hope.

As members of York Region’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and queer (LGBTQ) community and their supporters struggle this week to absorb the searing shock of the massacre of 49 people at a gay-friendly nightclub in Orlando early Sunday, they are also speaking of their determination to forge stronger ties of understanding in community.

The shooting by a lone gunman at Pulse Nightclub, which also left 53 people injured, was the worst mass shooting in United States history and came just before a series of Pride events in York this week, including flag raisings in Vaughan and Georgina and the annual Pride Parade in Richmond Hill.

At Vaughan’s flag raising Monday morning, Amanda Knegje, president of the York Region chapter of PFLAG Canada, the only national organization that helps Canadians with issues of sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, recalled watching the horror of the shooting on her television.

“It was horrific. It was on the news; it was everywhere," the Richmond Hill resident said. "We have these moments in our lives we will always remember where we were. And as a proud gay woman, in Canada, in York Region, to be sitting there with my son, enjoying the liberties that I have in so-called safety, to hear something like that and just the magnitude of it, rocked me to the core.

“Because the reality is, we have a sense of safety, but I’m sure the people in Orlando had a sense of safety, as well. It reminds us that hate exists and is prominent and it’s scary. I will certainly always remember that moment of hearing about the loss of life and, really, the loss of the feeling of safety and knowing we have so much more work to do.”

Knegje is struggling to understand where such hate can come from.

“Hate exists in groups," she said. "It exists in a lot of different sectors, but, for me personally, I would like to believe that kind of hate is the random act of one individual who had obviously suffered from something inside, because that kind of act against humanity, against the LBGTQ community, against people in general, it’s mind-boggling to think it could be part of something greater,” she said.

“But the reality is, again, that hate exists and there are probably many people who feel the same way. It’s scary, but it’s important to say that, because it’s important to recognize we do have work to do.”

Knegje said she would like to think ignorance in society has more to do with lack of education and exposure to the LGBTQ community and that there is only a minute percentage of people who carry overt hatred towards others.

“Even standing up here today and talking about it and uttering the words out of my mouth of recognition of these people and the fear they must have felt in those moments and questioning why their sense of safety, to be in a night club, enjoying themselves, having pride and having someone senselessly gun them down for who they are naturally as people, the feelings of that, I think it’s important to recognize and I think it’s important to have raw emotions.”

Watching news of the shooting unfold, Knegje said it was important to be surrounded by the love of her two-year-old son, Hendriks.

“It was nice to have him with me at that moment. It just reminded me that while there is such ugliness in our world, I get to have a two-year-old son who loves me and has the hope of unconditional support, respect and love for everybody and hopefully I can give that to him,” she said.

Knegje emotionally described how meaningful it was to proudly raise the Pride flag at Vaughan city hall as 200 people looked on a day after the shooting.

“I’m obviously so upset and saddened and shocked at what happened in Orlando and reeling from that and the emotions from that. To be able to have an event like we had — with strong support from the community and the ability to raise the flag and to show the strength of the community and recognition of the victims and those who survived — it just felt important. It felt right to do something today,” she said.

“As much as there is great sadness and sorrow, it was a wonderful opportunity for us as a community to come together and say those who lost their lives are remembered and the work that we have to do continues. We continue to fight for basic human rights and for safety.”

Vaughan Mayor Maurizio Bevilacqua spoke movingly of the love and acceptance he has for his son, Jean-Paul, 28, who is gay.

“This is a very important day, as we recognize while many advances in human rights have been achieved, there’s a long way to go," he said. "I can tell you this personally, as the father of a gay man. The gay community faces many, many challenges.

“I went through it. I went through it personally. There’s a lot of confusion I know my son went through during his life, but there is only one way to deal with that, with the power of love, which, I think, is the resource that is required whenever you are dealing with individuals who are being treated unfairly.”

Bevilacqua spoke of sitting in a church when his heart was filled with a sense he had to reach out to his son.

“At that time, I did not know that my son is gay, but I wrote him a text right there in that church and I talked to him about how I was so proud to see parents and children together at that church, children whose parents had actually rejected them, and then at that moment they came together,” he said.

“I wrote that note to my son and a couple of weeks later,  my son came out as a gay man. I don’t know where that message came from, but I know I had to reach out to him back then and I did. I’m happy I did because the last thing you want for a human being is to deny who he or she really is, to live the life of a lie, to live a life that is really inconsistent with their very essence as people. There are tens of thousands of people in this region faced with the same challenges. There are many, many reasons why we need to reach out to every single person.”

The region’s annual Pride Parade, taking place Saturday at 2 p.m. in Richmond Hill, beginning at the intersection of Yonge Street and Crosby Avenue, is usually a day of celebration. This year’s event will be overshadowed by the sorrow and anger of the Orlando shooting, York Pride Fest director of development and communications, Jacob Gal, said.

“Everyone is trying to get into the mood, but it’s hard to celebrate when so many people have died,” he said.

The board of the York Pride Parade participated as a group in this week’s vigil in Toronto for the Orlando massacre and used the opportunity to discuss how the weekend’s tragedy would change their strategy.

In light of what happened in Florida, board members say they want to re-focus on engaging the community, making their group more visible and increasing dialogue with diverse groups to break down barriers.

“We have queer Muslims in our group and we have to remember that one person does not represent any one group,” Gal said.

“We can’t be fighting homophobia with Islamophobia.”

Gal hopes people will get more involved with Pride and help spread the word about respect, support and comfort.

“Orlando is a big reminder about why we have Pride; why we need to go below the surface to reach those we don’t see on a day-to-day basis,” he said, adding as many as 60,000 of the region’s 1.1 million residents can identify with the LGBTQ community.

“We’ve come a long way in a short time, but we still have a lot of work to do," Gal said. "This is a safe region. York Regional Police are fabulous; they work very hard, but it only takes a small spark (to create a situation like the Orlando shooting).”

Pride organizers realize they can’t go into hibernation for a year; that they need to work constantly to foster understanding and relationships with the broader community, Gal said.

“That’s what’s so amazing. It’s unfortunate that it took something so upsetting, but it has sparked a huge new motivation,” he said.

Donna Smith, a member of Richmond Hill United Church, said she is more keen than ever to participate in the Pride Parade Saturday.

“I am even more determined to march with my friends and (I’m dedicated to) witnessing my commitment to being an inclusive and loving person,” she said. “I just don’t understand such hate.”

Crowds gathered at the Markham Civic Centre late Tuesday afternoon for a Vigil for Orlando, to stand proud with LGBTQ brothers and sisters. The event to honour victims in the immediate aftermath of the shooting replaced Markham’s Pride flag raising scheduled for June 23.

In Georgina Monday, a distinct rainbow flag waved brightly in the brisk wind at the town’s second annual Pride flag raising ceremony.

The rainbow brightening the overcast afternoon matched the inspiring yet somber words of PFLAG York Region’s vice-president Michael Blackburn.

He urged supporters to hold close to their loved ones and stand loud and proud, and yet safely, with the LGBTQ community in light of the Orlando shooting.

“It is now more important than ever to show your allegiance to the community, to inclusivity and to diversity,”’he said.

Blackburn recalled how shocked he was when he learned of the shooting in Florida.

“I went from a great high at my brother’s wedding to a low that somebody could hate me that much just because of who I loved. We grieve with our brothers and sisters to the south,” he said, asking for a moment’s silence.

“We are not going to fight hate with hate. We are going to fight hate with love and together we can make this world a better place.”