Bereaved Families of York Region celebrates 25 years of service

Yorkregion.com
Oct. 21, 2016
By Chris Simon

Loss was never an easy subject to broach for Brenda Eng.

The first executive director of the Newmarket-based Bereaved Families of York Region knew her office would not be an easy one to enter when it was founded 25 years ago. Grief, after all, is viewed as somewhat taboo, even today. While mourning is not a “warm and fuzzy” subject, it is a necessary one to explore and it helps people cope and heal, she points out.

“In the early stages, Bereaved Families was...the only organization that offered groups for parents that had lost a child,” she said. “It branched out over the years to include adult loss.”

Eng was doing similar work in Toronto when she heard there was interest in opening a York Region bereavement service. The first office was opened on Timothy Street in 1991. It had second-hand furniture, curtains that came from a bank, and duct tape was used to patch holes in the couches.

“I took it on,” she said. “Everyone was finding things for us. As soon as the first articles came out, the phone started to ring.”

The organization moved to several different office locations over the first few years, including Leslie Street and Davis Drive, before finally settling at the current Yonge Street site in 1998.

The charitable organization still operates on a tight budget. The office wallpaper is old and the white couches have an outdated flower and green stripe pattern. The television has a tube and is aging, and is hooked up to a VHS player.

But volunteers and two paid employees work steadily to help the organization succeed. Annually, about 5,000 services are accessed, including educational materials, lending library content, counsellor and therapist referrals, and group support sessions. The group also offers assistance to children and adolescents who have suffered loss, Eng said.

“A lot of teenagers don’t want to talk about it,” she said, noting services are free. “But at least they had a place they could come to. Before, there wasn’t a place. Every story was just as important as the next one. I remember stories from the original people walking through the doors.”

In one case, a BFOYR volunteer’s son died from kidney issues.

“She had one son left; she was divorced and on her own and came from Thornhill,” Eng said. “I could see her sitting on the sofa in front of me. Sometimes you just connect with people. She became a lifer. She has since passed on. When there was no money to run Bereaved Families, she stepped in and kept it going. It was so important to her, as it is with many of the people who have kept it going.”

The organization currently has more than 90 volunteers, contributing about 2,250 hours annually.

“We’re reaching the region,” said Elisabeth Hempen, one of the first volunteers for the organization. “I love my community. Knowing that when somebody dies, you’re thrown into orbit, you’re functioning and the years fly by but you’re not really there. Coming through the war in Europe, I know the pain. I feel with them. When it comes to grief, we’re all in the same orbit. If you don’t have the experience, you don’t know what I’m going through. Sometimes you have to have someone to talk to out of the family.”

BFOYR will host an anniversary celebration at the York Region Administration Centre, 17250 Yonge St. in Newmarket, Nov. 3 from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Participants are asked to confirm attendance by Oct. 21.

The BFOYR office is at 17070 Yonge St. For more information on the organization, call 905-898-6265 or visit bfo-yorkregion.com.